Luckiest Sick Girl Ever

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After spending the last few days in excruciating amounts of pain and with doctor’s hands in places that no one’s should ever go, I’ve realized a few things.

Laughter is not the best medicine. People that say that are lying. Love is the best medicine. It really is. Last night I may have been crying like a baby in the hospital bed, but you know what? My knight in shining armor was right there next to me, holding my hand and telling me that he was sorry I was hurting. And let me tell you, true love is when a guy will sit next to your bedside for 6 hours holding your hand when he is bored out of his mind, freezing, worried and exhausted.

I am so truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do. Yes, boyfriend is one of them. But is he the only one? Of course not. Even the friends that I don’t get to talk to as often as I like–when I do see them, they light up my world. I’m really sorry. Usually I’ve got the sarcastic and pessimistic humorous things to whine about, but lately I’ve been so mushy. It probably is seriously annoying.

Anyway, I just basically wanted to brag about how lucky I am 🙂

Also, don’t canonize the boy for being a saint. He made fun of me so hard when I freaked out about the IV needle.

Little jerk.

I’ve Been Really Introspective Lately. It’s Kind of Annoying.

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It’s kind of funny how long it takes before you realize how important someone in your life is to you. Usually it takes losing them, or even the threat of losing them, before we realize how lucky we are. I am so, so guilty of this. I take people for granted so often. When I stop and realize it, I always feel terrible. That’s why I’m making a vow today to not take a single person in my life for granted.

Here’s to making good choices, kids.

It’s Not Cheating If It’s With A Unicorn!

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Toby

Toby ❤

I am a dirty, dirty cheater. That’s right.

I always post the title later. Damn.

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So I’m sitting in my room at 1am, doing quintessential college things. I have extremely loud hip hop music on, I’m dancing to myself a little, I’m in my undies, I’m doing homework, I’m on Facebook, and I’m making flashcards. Funny thing is, I’m having fun. It’s funny how easy it is to take comfort in the routine of the semester. So much better than being on break.

That’s pretty much all. Also, thanks for actually taking the time to click on this site. I know it’s dumb and boring. My other one is much more interesting. I give away free stuff. Here I pretty much just talk about how awesome I am and how much I love my boyfriend. lol

Well, I better get back to my Math 21 homework. You should go to the other site and read the review I just posted about how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse.

Allen Jay

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Almost 3 years ago my boyfriend decided to do the dumbest thing he could’ve done. And here I am, blubbering away like it happened last week. See, it’s funny, because these things come and go. The pain is always with you, but you can go for days, weeks, months without thinking about it.

And then it hits you.

My boyfriend committed suicide on our anniversary.

And then it’s all you can do to not drown.

It’s the kind of pain that you can never see the end of, that hits you when you least expect it. It’s heartbreaking.

An hour ago I was snuggling my boyfriend and watching some dumb show. And you know what? I’m so glad we did that today. Because today? It can be the last day I will ever have with him. You think it’ll never happen to you, and everything is perfect. I thought so too. On March 18th, 2008 I fell asleep on the phone with my wonderful boyfriend after a conversation about what we were going to name our kids and how he was going to propose to me the day I turned 18. I was an innocent little girl, in the midst of the wonderful feelings of a first real love.

I didn’t know that the next morning when I woke up I would receive the worst news that I ever had, to date. I wasn’t ready to grow up. I wasn’t ready to speak at a funeral, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I was so little. Naive. Young.

So today, I spent time with Brett. And we did nothing. And it was glorious. We ate french fries and named a unicorn and planned our future and laughed and cuddled and it was amazing. Every single day is even better than the last.

Allen taught me lots of things. He taught me how to fix a bike. He taught me how to open my heart. He taught me how to let myself let go. He taught me how to rely on myself.

He also taught me what sobbing meant. He taught me what sleepless nights truly are. He taught me what nightmares were. He taught me how to worry for everyone around me. He taught me what true, pure anger was. He taught me what keening meant. He taught me that silence is deadly.

But mostly, he taught me that every single day is a precious gift. If I die tomorrow, I will have no regrets. I will be happy and free. If I die in 50 years, the same is true.

Never leave on a harsh note. Never end the fight without making up. Never take someone for granted. Ever. Because if you do, you will never be able to forget.

I hope none of you ever has to know how it feels, but if you do, don’t have a single regret.

Really? Really??

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Please kill me.

Hey, Bloggers!

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