Oh, College.

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It never fails to amaze me how prevalent the effects of things that I’ve studied in Sociology before are in college, especially. Mob mentality, the bandwagon effect, and so many other sociological phenomenons are seriously concentrated in this environment. I see it every day, and it gets old fast.

Lies are all of a sudden rumors, and then rumors destroy lives when they take over innocent kids. Then there are the ones that gain the tiniest bit of freedom when they become adults, and waste it doing drugs and living off of tax dollars. It’s sad to envision the futures of many of my classmates. I think this is definitely a skewed sample, given that this IS community college, and in a small town at that.

But you know what? I will be part of the 7% that makes something of themselves after COS. I won’t get married and have kids before I can legally have a glass of wine, and I won’t ditch class to get high. There’s a reason that people don’t make it past this far in their education. Granted, college isn’t meant for everyone, but in this day and age, degrees are important in pretty much every field except for fast food. In 10 years I will probably be getting served my meals by some of these people that think they’re cool now. And I’ll be the cool one, in my little red Audi. lol πŸ™‚

It’s just comforting to know sometimes that these people, who are so quick to judge and accuse, will never amount to anything. And it’s also nice to know that five years from now, I won’t have to think about them at all, but they’ll remember me, because my name will be famous. Maybe. I can dream, right?

I always post the title later. Damn.

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So I’m sitting in my room at 1am, doing quintessential college things. I have extremely loud hip hop music on, I’m dancing to myself a little, I’m in my undies, I’m doing homework, I’m on Facebook, and I’m making flashcards. Funny thing is, I’m having fun. It’s funny how easy it is to take comfort in the routine of the semester. So much better than being on break.

That’s pretty much all. Also, thanks for actually taking the time to click on this site. I know it’s dumb and boring. My other one is much more interesting. I give away free stuff. Here I pretty much just talk about how awesome I am and how much I love my boyfriend. lol

Well, I better get back to my Math 21 homework. You should go to the other site and read the review I just posted about how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse.

Messy Messiness

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I know that my blogging is sporadic, and I don’t live online like I used to. I’ve been trying to focus on the more important things, but now I’m realizing just how lazy I have become. I ask myself the same questions over and over, changing my mind about the answers every time. I continuously find myself in need of a job, but have little time to obtain one. I’m still in college, and still don’t know what I’m going to do or major in. I can’t focus long enough to struggle through homework, and I think it might be time to actually look into trying out some medications for my ADHD. It isn’t my first choice, but if my schoolwork can benefit from taking a regular medication, it’s worth a shot. However, I am dependent enough on sleeping pills, so I’m hesitant. I don’t want to be stuck at junior college any longer than I have to be, and I already screwed up one semester. I don’t need to mess up another, especially since my class load isn’t all that intense. It’s crunch time, and I know I need to get serious. Hopefully some of these things will get worked out soon.

Something positive: I have been making a conscious effort to exercise and eat often enough. It isn’t fun, but I can already tell a difference in my weight/energy/overall health. This week I’m going to have a physical done, and I’m hoping for good news.

I know this whole thing was a jumbled mess, but it’s 5:30 in the morning, and I should get back to my homework. Today WILL be a good day, despite the lack of sleep and random anxiety.

major Major issues.

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I’m such a bad person. I never update anymore. Mostly because I get so busy, and I actually like sleep. Not that I get any of that, but still. I mostly just use this to update people about my life so I don’t have to talk to them, but whatever. Let’s pretend I didn’t say that.

Gah. So much has been going on that I don’t even know what to say. But I will open with this: This isn’t gonna be one of my super-happy-jumpy posts where I’m ranting about something oddly hilarious. I’m not really in the mood for that…which is rare, but yeah. I’m feeling a bit introspective.

I think it’s mostly because I’m in college and the whole “declaring a major” thing is actually a reality now. And I HATE it. I always knew what I wanted to be, and what I wanted to go to college for. It was going to be a Master’s in Journalism, and I wanted to work my way up the food chain in the newspaper world. But: reality check. The written word is kind of dying, people. Also, I don’t think I ever realized how terrible of an author/writer/producer of written work I am. Now I go back and I’m like…this isn’t my thing. I can’t do this. And awhile back I was like, “I WANNA GO TO MED SCHOOL”…but I talked myself out of that one. Mostly for two reasons.

1. I am sooo freakin lazy. I probably always will be. I might be able to fight it, but that’s a level of concentration and commitment that I definitely lack.
2. I value my individuality. Yeah, I know there are probably 5.6 million people in the world that share common characteristics with me. But no one is exactly the same. Choosing that career path would stifle my personality quite a bit. Maybe if I got some ADD meds I could do it, but idk. Relying on medication isn’t exactly something that excites me. At all.

Ha. It’s funny. I stopped typing after that last sentence half an hour ago. That’s how messed up my attention span/concentration is. And it’s worse when I’m tired. I hate being so apathetic. I’m in college. It’s time to get serious now. I’ve been slacking off for too long. Last semester was basically a giant waste. And I mean, that’s okay because I’m still on track/ahead of the game, since I was Class of 2010. But still…I’d kind of like to not waste a ton of time getting focused. I’m trying to kick old habits, and stop doing things that make me embarrassed of myself. But geez, it’s hard. I know, that’s so lame sounding. But it’s true.

Yeah. I’m falling asleep. It’s been an hour since I typed the last paragraph. I guess…I dunno. The point of this post is…well, there isn’t really one. Except, I need to find a major. Something that I actually want to do with my life. Big decision. Everyone else is sure, but I’m not. I’ll figure it out soon, or not. Plenty of time. Also, clever title, eh? πŸ˜›

Omijesusinheaveni’mbusy…

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Big, exciting things are happening, people. Big ones. I need to like, sit down and organize my thoughts, but alas, alack; I want for time. Haha. No seriously though, I’m ridiculously busy just like I used to always be…so it’s time to not be lazy! Need to finish moving my stuff back to my parents’ house (where I belong!) and “get my head in the game” for this semester. It’s a busy one, between Concert Choir, CHAMBER SINGERS, American Sign Language 2, Sociology 2, English, History 18, and poooossibly Internet Research Techniques since it’s only 2 weeks long and just optimizes search engine knowledge. Woohoo! So yeah, anyway…

Guy that I’m head over heels for loves me, I probably have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome- Hypermobility type (which explains a lot), I made Chamber Singers, I’m changing my major again, I need to get a part time job, I suck at Rock Band, I love my family more than anything, and I need to go to sleep! hahaha seriously though?

I pretty much have the best life ever…as long as the tiny aliens that live in the rafters of Mat’s mom’s house don’t decide to graduate from switching babies to like, taking over the world. Cuz I mean, geez…gimme a break!

OH OH Also? I didn’t have to spend a PENNY on books this semester. BOOYAH. Mom had one, Mat had another, and all of the rest were unnecessary. HELL TO THE YES.

Okay, I’m really going to bed now….

HE LOVES ME.

Oh Look, a Butterfly!

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Sometimes I wonder how non-ADHDers perceive ADHD to be. Like, I wonder if they realize just how much it affects our brains. Most people just assume that it means that we have the attention spans of mice, but are otherwise unidentifiable when thrust into a crowd of non-ADHDers.

Like, seriously? It messes with the frontal lobe, the inhibitory mechanisms of the cortex, the limbic system and the reticular activating system. Basically, we show excessive slow brainwave activity, mostly due to a lack of control in the cortex, (the inhibitory mechanisms that it messes with). The frontal lobe can be affected in a bunch of different ways, since it’s responsible for a lot of different important tasks. Of course there’s paying attention, staying on task, concentrating, and the usual. But the frontal lobe is also responsible for things that you wouldn’t think of. Like determining the proper behavior for any given situation, or deeming certain behaviors appropriate or not. This is a social disorder too, people. Emotional impulsivity is common in ADHDers, which comes mostly from the pre-frontal cortex, but also the frontal lobe. ADHD can be classified as a “dis-inibition disorder”, kind of like Asperger Syndrome but slightly less socially prominent. (Shout-out to Jordan! :D) ADHD’ers often have a hard time saying “no” to people, and are often very impulsive. “It seems that a person with impulsivity as a part of their ADHD has a normal ability to say β€œGo” at the neurological level, but their ability to say β€œNo” or β€œStop” comes just a fraction of a second slower. As a result, things are often done, or said, without much self-control practiced.” -ADHD Info Library. I’ve paraphrased a bit from here as well. One of the many studies that helps reveal the depth of ADHD. I have lots of favorites, but mostly in Medical Journals under my bed. Don’t judge me!

Of course, like any good brain disorder, it can be characterized in a myriad of ways, and has certain personality types that are associated with it. I personally am usually classified as “The Perfectionist”. Here’s where my OCD ties in. Yeah. My brain is like, extra fucked up. Also, colorblindness. TWO types. AND I’M A CHICK. (Deuteranopia and mild Tritanopia, which I’m sure I’ve mentioned). Annnnnnyway, back to what I was saying. Lolz there’s that ADHD. So yeah, we have less control over our brains and are more impulsive. That’s why we tend to spend money on irrelevant or unnecessary things, and blurt things out, and be painfully honest. But on the other end of the spectrum, ADHD can actually aid uncontrollable and pointless lying. No joke. There are lots of little personality traits that are either aided or caused by Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. We don’t just have 3 second attention spans…although there’s that too. Haha πŸ™‚

Okay, more tomorrow. For now, Over and Out.