I found this today. I wrote it on May 27, 2008. Oh, how I have changed.

 

Allie Without Allen

Current mood:lonely

Allen Jay’s death was the worst event in my life, but how cool that he brought so many people closer to the Lord. It was like Allen, to go out in style. It’s amazing, people tell me that i”m the strongest person they know! Me! Are they crazy or what? And people are always telling me that I’m dealing with it so well, and that I’m doing so well. But here’s the problem. That’s all good and well during the school year, when I have things to do, classes to go to, homework to do. What happens during summer when i’m all alone?

We spent all of last summer together. Summer school, the Waterpark, and just hanging out at home. This summer…well, I guess i’ll find something to do. It’s weird. I go places alone now, do things alone that we always did as a couple. People tell me that it’s odd to see me walking by myself, and it feels weird.

Couple activities have turned into single activities, and i find myself searching for activities to keep myself busy. We spent so much time together! I never realized how much time i spent with him until I couldn’t anymore.

All i can say is, feel lucky if you have that special someone who makes life worthwhile. Because at any moment that person can be taken away from you. God knew what he was doing, and Allen was ready. The only problem is, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet!

 

How funny that almost 3 years later everything is so different, and I’ve found the one person that makes me as happy as he did.

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