Okay, here’s the thing. Ever since I was like 7 years old, everyone’s always told me how mature I am. And yeah, to an adult that’s only looking at my intellectual side, I probably came out of the womb matured. But the thing is, I sometimes have the emotional maturity of a 3 month old. It is so not my proudest feature, but at least I’m honest.

Oddly enough though, it seems like a lot of recent events have spurred some emotional maturity out of me, which is kind of great and scary at the same time. I’m doing things I don’t normally do. I’m not being myself. I’m being completely open and honest and raw and real for once, and it’s just absolutely liberating. I pride myself on being a people person, and knowing how to talk to people, and make them feel at ease. That’s part of the charm of my writing style, I believe. Sure, I can be awkward, but that’s also part of my charm. But the thing is, I’ve kept my head buried in the delusions of others and scars from some twisted things that have happened in the past. I may be young, but I have suffered through much more than you would know, and more than I would care to admit. But that’s the wonderful part about suffering. No one has to know unless you want them to. You let go, and move on, and taking a fresh unlabored breath of pure, clean air is the most beautiful thing there is. (Of course, I live in the Central Valley, so that last point is moot :P)

Last night, I let go of a burden that I had carried by myself for some time, without even realizing how much I was hurting, and how much I needed to pour it all out. And the funny thing is, it was exactly the right time, exactly the right setting, circumstances, and to the right person even…yet I kept apologizing. And the response was always, “Why are you sorry?” And it was just so refreshing.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret about me. I apologize for EVERYTHING. Doesn’t matter if it’s my fault, under my control, or whatever. I just feel like if I apologize, it puts people at ease and I know I won’t do anything that’s going to offend them because I’m being aware. But honestly, it gets tiring. And for once, instead of someone saying, “You’re fine” or “Don’t worry about it”, he just said “Why are you sorry? Stop apologizing.” And it felt great. Comfort comes in strange ways sometimes, I think.

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