So, I’m seriously having issues right now with the whole God thing. It’s like, everyone I know is all super Christian and like “oh yeah, Jesus loves you.” And so I’m like, maybe it’d be good to give this a try for awhile, since I haven’t in about 3 years. But I still can’t even get past all of the scientific facts that I know and believe to be true. Like, if God talked to me every day and I could “feel him moving” all of the time, my opinion might be different, but that’s just not how it is. The more that I try to accept Christianity for myself, the more that I know it isn’t right for me. Like, I’m almost waiting for an epiphany or something that would show me how much I’m wrong, but it’s just not there. Granted, I still have no problem with other people being Christian or whatever it is that they do, but it’s just not for me right now. Maybe I’ll try again someday.

I feel really terrible, but this is the honest truth. It’s just not right for me. And I don’t want someone to try and talk me out of it, and “save” me. Because honestly? I’d rather go to hell and know why I did, and then know that I screwed up and pay for it than go through life constantly questioning everything I believe in and living a lie. I can’t go through my life on blind faith alone, though. It’s sad, but I believe in science a lot more than the unseen. It’s like how I watch Mindfreak just to figure out how Criss Angel pulls off his tricks. I still have no problem reading the Bible, but I can’t sit there and pretend that it hasn’t been edited a million times and that God wrote it himself. It’s like a Christian looking at the Mormon faith and going…”Golden Tablets? Yeah RIGHT.” I just can’t get past the fact that everything inside me is screaming BULLSHIT every time someone tries to preach to me.

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