Have you ever had the chance to make up for something totally shitty that you did in the past that you never thought you’d ever be able to make up for? That’s me, atm. It’s actually kind of nice. No, it’s REALLY nice. I’m one of those people that has a super guilty conscience. Like it’s always there, even if I’m ignoring it. For instance, there was this incident in Preschool that has haunted me since it happened. I’m pretty sure I cried every time I thought about it for at least 5 years after this happened.

Okay, so I was probably about 3 and every day when I went to Preschool my mom would make my lunch, and almost every day she would sent “Lil Smokies” in my lunch. You know, the miniature smoked sausage things? Totally a Preschool friendly food. The teachers would always microwave our food for us, and give it back so we could eat it, right? Well one day when the teacher asked who had Lil Smokies for lunch I raised my hand, and she gave them to me. So I’m eating my lunch, when one of the teachers comes up and basically is like “Those aren’t your Smokies are they?” And I’m all “what?” Basically, they had been some other kids, but I had raised my hand out of habit, and I had already eaten like 3 of his Smokies and I felt terrible so I gave him my whole lunch but he didn’t want it. I felt ridiculously guilty.

I STILL feel guilty about it! THAT’s the kind of conscience I have. So yeah, like a year ago a bunch of shit went down with this guy that I was kind of dating and this other guy that I really cared about and a bunch of people that I thought were my friends…ANYWAY, yeah. I’m getting the chance to kind-of-sort-of try things again, and not be a huge bitch and it’s pretty awesome. Especially because I’ve felt super guilty whenever I thought about the whole thing during the past year. Like, dude, this was way worse than eating that kid’s Smokies.

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