It’s Not Cheating If It’s With A Unicorn!

Toby <3

I am a dirty, dirty cheater. That’s right.

I always post the title later. Damn.

So I’m sitting in my room at 1am, doing quintessential college things. I have extremely loud hip hop music on, I’m dancing to myself a little, I’m in my undies, I’m doing homework, I’m on Facebook, and I’m making flashcards. Funny thing is, I’m having fun. It’s funny how easy it is to take comfort in the routine of the semester. So much better than being on break.

That’s pretty much all. Also, thanks for actually taking the time to click on this site. I know it’s dumb and boring. My other one is much more interesting. I give away free stuff. Here I pretty much just talk about how awesome I am and how much I love my boyfriend. lol

Well, I better get back to my Math 21 homework. You should go to the other site and read the review I just posted about how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse.

Allen Jay

Almost 3 years ago my boyfriend decided to do the dumbest thing he could’ve done. And here I am, blubbering away like it happened last week. See, it’s funny, because these things come and go. The pain is always with you, but you can go for days, weeks, months without thinking about it.

And then it hits you.

My boyfriend committed suicide on our anniversary.

And then it’s all you can do to not drown.

It’s the kind of pain that you can never see the end of, that hits you when you least expect it. It’s heartbreaking.

An hour ago I was snuggling my boyfriend and watching some dumb show. And you know what? I’m so glad we did that today. Because today? It can be the last day I will ever have with him. You think it’ll never happen to you, and everything is perfect. I thought so too. On March 18th, 2008 I fell asleep on the phone with my wonderful boyfriend after a conversation about what we were going to name our kids and how he was going to propose to me the day I turned 18. I was an innocent little girl, in the midst of the wonderful feelings of a first real love.

I didn’t know that the next morning when I woke up I would receive the worst news that I ever had, to date. I wasn’t ready to grow up. I wasn’t ready to speak at a funeral, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I was so little. Naive. Young.

So today, I spent time with Brett. And we did nothing. And it was glorious. We ate french fries and named a unicorn and planned our future and laughed and cuddled and it was amazing. Every single day is even better than the last.

Allen taught me lots of things. He taught me how to fix a bike. He taught me how to open my heart. He taught me how to let myself let go. He taught me how to rely on myself.

He also taught me what sobbing meant. He taught me what sleepless nights truly are. He taught me what nightmares were. He taught me how to worry for everyone around me. He taught me what true, pure anger was. He taught me what keening meant. He taught me that silence is deadly.

But mostly, he taught me that every single day is a precious gift. If I die tomorrow, I will have no regrets. I will be happy and free. If I die in 50 years, the same is true.

Never leave on a harsh note. Never end the fight without making up. Never take someone for granted. Ever. Because if you do, you will never be able to forget.

I hope none of you ever has to know how it feels, but if you do, don’t have a single regret.

Really? Really??

Please kill me.

Hey, Bloggers!

You should join Nina Say’s Fantastical Forums if you are an active blogger, ESPECIALLY if you’re a product reviewer. If you join her $3 a month Blogger Review Club, you can be privy to special pitches, get linked up with new PR Contacts, and meet other bloggers just like yourself. You know you wanna

Go HERE now.

By the by, you don’t even have to be a blogger to join. The actual forums are free, and for everyone. However, being a blog reader would be great. You don’t have to join the review club, but you should join the forum anyway!

More on Religion

There’s a few great excerpts from the book I’m reading by Jodi Picoult that really nail exactly how I feel about religion. I thought I’d share them.

“There was too much injustice in the world to buy into the belief that a merciful, all-powerful deity would continue to allow such atrocities to exist; and i downright detested the party line that there was some grand plan for humanity’s bumbling existence. It was like a parent watching children play with fire and thinking, ‘Well, let them burn. That’ll teach them.’”

“I don’t think religions are based on lies, but I don’t think they’re based on truths, either. I think they come about because of what people need at the time that they need them–believers need, by definition, something to believe in.”

And that is exactly how I feel.

Those Things That No One Will Say

I think it’s interesting how these days people seem to confuse religion with politics. There’s a reason that we as a society have thrived when there is a separation of church and state. But somehow, Conservatives have to be Christians these days, and those “crazy Atheists” are Liberals. And of course, if you’re liberal you HAVE to be a Democrat, and blah blah blah blah. I do see how these groups got to be this way, and it makes sense that you would side with the group that upholds your beliefs, but making politics the new platform for “saving people” isn’t the answer.

I think that growing up with an interest in politics and current events is probably the reason that I struggled with religious choices for…well, my whole life, to be honest. That, and growing up in a family that gave me no choice but to be Christian. I went back and forth a lot after puberty. I knew that I had enjoyed growing up in a Christian household, but that I had never really shared the belief in God that everyone else did, and I certainly hadn’t had any encounters with divine intervention like the people I saw in church as a kid. I went through a slough of religious turmoil when certain events and funerals passed in high school, and I think that’s when I definitely slipped out of the religious circle, but I wasn’t certain about anything.

I think I made my decision when I started college and decided on a major in Evolutionary Biology. To be honest, I still haven’t even discussed many of these things with my parents, because I know they have faith, and won’t understand why I don’t. But for me, it’s simple. Science is truth. It’s tangible, it’s mathematical, and there is proof for every phenomenon. I’m not in the business of believing in things that I don’t have concrete proof for, and that won’t change anytime soon. I realize that this is a huge disappointment for many of the people that are close to me, but if they truly cared about me as a person, they would stop trying to save me and accept that I’ve made my choices just as they have. You don’t see me walking around, trying to convert Jesus freaks to atheism. The same courtesy would be appreciated.

Poetry

Well obviously I couldn’t keep up with my vow to post something new every day, but I did create a new product-review based website that I will be updating fairly regularly. This is still where all of my personal blogging will be done, for the the foreseeable future. Today I came across a series of poems that I wrote over a year ago, and thought that it would be kind of cool to share them. They’re from an exercise that I did with a friend, giving ourselves 10 minutes or less to write a poem about the first word or phrase to come to mind. The words we chose were Remote, Coffee, Stitch, and Simple Machines. Here are my poems:

Word #1: Remote

It hits the ground with a dull thud
But somehow the injustice of the blow
Meant far more than the act itself.

The insults fly, but do not resonate.
She has gone once again
To the place filled with flowers.

The hurt is easily masked,
But it only feeds anger.
Because it is what he wants,
She will not bend.

In her mind, she is ready.
Let the objects fly without ceasing.

Word #2: Coffee

The healing powers of a steaming cup
Envelop not only the body, but the mind.
Caffeine and its’ genetic makeup
Really only cause a series of chemical reactions
In the brain.
Sure, it’s bad stuff.
Stunts your growth,
It’s addicting….
But somehow, the instant relief provided
Makes it all okay.

Word #3: Stitch

They keep my wounds together,
For it seems I am easily hurt.
Great stories follow injuries
That are easy to laugh off later.

But each time I trip,
Or miss a step
It makes me nervous
For what will ensue.

I bruise easily,
Trip often,
Have more scars than i can count….
I guess you’d say I’m clumsy.

Word (Phrase) #4: Simple Machines

Being able to breathe
Comes so naturally.
A latent function
That is taken for granted.

The only time we realize
The worth of each new breath
Is when the chance to inhale
Has been rippied away.

The body is a simple machine,
That makes things so complex.

My emotions swirl
And all that i can focus on
Is the simple latent function:
The art of taking a breath.

Hopefully I will have more to post later, since I’ve been trying this exercise again